By Robert Tetlow

“Rob, grow up, act your age.” That is what most people say to me. They say I’m immature. I am.

It’s my personality. I have a carefree attitude, and think everyone should have one. “Rob, you’re never serious.” That’s bullshit. I do get serious, when it’s necessary. I feel this world needs a sense of humor. When you feel down, you turn on HBO or whatever and there’s comedy. It makes you laugh, and you forget about your problems, until it’s over, and a drama comes on, and reminds you of your problems, and you feel lousy again. The best way to feel good about yourself is to have fun and have a sense of humor: let it go. If you don’t, you’re fucked. A sense of humor is what I use to get by in life. Continue reading →

By Scott Berkey

What is America? Most would answer that America is a country of the free and the brave, but America is more than that – and less. Yes, America is a country with borders and states; yet, it has ceased to be merely just a country and become an idea and to some an ideal. Continue reading →

Is this season’s skiing weather not getting you down the slopes? Maybe it has something to do with the massive outpouring of harmful emissions from automobiles and smokestacks much like the one pictured above. The Greenhouse Effect is a serious problem and calls for immediate action from every inhabitant of this planet. Change will not occur until we all realize that our disposable society can no longer continue without global repercussions.

By Lance Terry

A true story follows. Picture this. The car seemed to silently glide into the parking lot as I attacked my cousin with a barrage of questions. “Who’s that?” I asked. “How am I supposed to know?” She murmured. “You mean you don’t know everyone in your school?” I pried. “What are you, on crack?” was the rebuttal. I began to sense that a great day awaited me.

You see, I was a visitor in a school where no one but my cousin knew me. Five thousand kids, grades 10-12, that’s big. Wouldn’t you say? William Tenent High School. To me this was not a visit to an educational institution. Oh, no, this was my venture to another world.

I hesitantly got out of the car and kinda scraped my way about, trying to keep up with my cousin. After a few minutes I began to realize that no one would know I was new because, nobody knew everybody anyway. I loosened up a tad. Continue reading →

By D.M. Jublowski

The Advocate is in trouble. Confidence is lacking within the office walls of the infamous and purely volunteer oriented newspaper.  Sources report that financial and literary shortcomings are placing the future of its uninhibited self expression and creativity in jeopardy.

Other insiders have speculated that strong-arming by the mafia and Tipper Gore is frightening away current and prospective advertisers.

Determined Sex and Rock Editors have been working at a dizzying pace to the prevent the newspaper’s collapse, which would deal a crushing blow of unparalleled proportion to free thinking people everywhere. Continue reading →

They Left With Their Answer: Rattle And Hum.

By Brendan Kinney

“This is a song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles; we’re stealin’ it back.” Bono announces as U2 opens Rattle and Hum with “Helter Skelter,” setting a bold and dramatic tone for the rest of the film.

The movie’s highlights include collaborations with the Harlem Choir in a gospel rendition of “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” and with B.B. King on “When Love Comes To Town.” Nearly all of the concert footage is exciting and powerful. The most dramatic performance is the last ‘set,’ in which Bono makes a speech against the terrorism in Ireland and the Irish Revolution, finally crying out, “Fuck the revolution! It’s just another Sunday Bloody Sunday…” after which an emotional version of that song pounds out of the speakers. On to “Pride,” a tribute to Martin Luther King. Next “Bullet The Blue Sky,” during which Bono grabs a spotlight and plays around with it, shining the beam on The Edge during his guitar solo. Continue reading →

By Alex P. Laslow

Definitions:

1.) Democrat: one who is a lot like a Republican.
2.) Republican: one who is a lot like a Democrat.
3.) Anarchist: one who is fed up with #1 and #2.

Why does the word “anarchy” offend most Americans? Maybe it’s because this word has suffered the same fate as, say, the word “communism.” Continue reading →

By Alex P. Laslow

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 1 (November 1988)

When I wrote part 1 of this article, I was nearly giving up on all forms of government. I was quite pleased with my radical thinking, and asked a friend of mine to read it. Knowing full well he was going to challenge the whole idea of anarchy and knowing he would be insulted at my anti-American thoughts. So in defense, I prepared a narrow mind.

Well, he argued with all the things I had expected, and he accused anarchy of being “impossible,” and said it was “a nice idea but that is it.” He explained to me that there is always going to be someone that wants to go ahead and with anarchy, it would be complete chaos.” Continue reading →

By Alibaster Johnson

My question to you is: why do people take life so seriously?

There’s no way you can possibly make it out alive anyway. It’s pretty ridiculous when you look at it. We all run around in a frenzy, but where are we going? In circles, as far as I can tell. What people don’t seem to realize is that we aren’t the only ones around. There’s a whole universe out there that probably has several different types of life (three of which I think I saw on the street the other day, but I can’t be sure). The point is that we think that what we’re doing is so important, but it isn’t. It doesn’t really matter much at all. Which is why it ought to be taken lightly. Continue reading →

By Corey “Iceman” Lopez

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 2 (November 1988)

Sledding is done down a hill, on top of snow, by a sledder. The terms “hill,” “snow” and “sledder” cover a great many conditions, any of which may exist when you sled.

As a sledder you can be one of three varieties: the rookie, the sage, or the hot dog. You are still a rookie if you buy a sled only once every five years or so. You have reached the semi-honorable rank of sage if you need a new sled every other sledding season. You are one of the the elite, a hot dogger, if, when the winter’s over, you can use your sled to grate cheese. Continue reading →