By Alex P. Laslow

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 1 (November 1988)

When I wrote part 1 of this article, I was nearly giving up on all forms of government. I was quite pleased with my radical thinking, and asked a friend of mine to read it. Knowing full well he was going to challenge the whole idea of anarchy and knowing he would be insulted at my anti-American thoughts. So in defense, I prepared a narrow mind.

Well, he argued with all the things I had expected, and he accused anarchy of being “impossible,” and said it was “a nice idea but that is it.” He explained to me that there is always going to be someone that wants to go ahead and with anarchy, it would be complete chaos.” Continue reading →

By Corey “Iceman” Lopez

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 2 (November 1988)

Sledding is done down a hill, on top of snow, by a sledder. The terms “hill,” “snow” and “sledder” cover a great many conditions, any of which may exist when you sled.

As a sledder you can be one of three varieties: the rookie, the sage, or the hot dog. You are still a rookie if you buy a sled only once every five years or so. You have reached the semi-honorable rank of sage if you need a new sled every other sledding season. You are one of the the elite, a hot dogger, if, when the winter’s over, you can use your sled to grate cheese. Continue reading →

By Robert O. Milieu

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 5 (November 1988)

Salutations! Do you know where I got the word “salutations” from? I got it from the children’s book, Charlotte’s Web. The reason that I bring this up in a political viewpoints article is that my favorite facet of Charlotte’s Web is that it doesn’t offend anyone. Even though there is conflict and tension, and even though it is a great piece of literature, it does not offend anyone. In “The Middle of the Road” I hope every reader will find substantive, stimulating political commentary that does not offend a single one of their sensibilities. Continue reading →

By Alex P. Laslow

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 5 (November 1988)

Two letters to the editor featured in the November 1st issue of The Burlington Free Press labeled Bernie Sanders a socialist “reformist” who will use “infiltrative tactics” to threaten democracy.

The letter, written by George Boucher of Essex Junction, opens on this note: “Mayor Bernard Sanders, the pro-communist liberal running for Congress. . . . ”

Wait a minute. Can someone be a communist and a liberal simultaneously? No. It’s a contradiction of terms, folks. Face it: the name-calling techniques that Bush has used on Dukakis have unfortunately filtered down to his supporters.

Continue reading →

By Howard U. Dewin

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 6 (November 1988)

The milk carton leaned low to the counter and whispered to the knife lounging in the morning sun, “I bet you fifty bucks I get put away before you get washed.”

“You’re on, man,” stuttered the knife, “and don’t think of stiffing me this time, cause I’m sharper now. I’ll cut you bad if you don’t fork over the dough pronto.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” taunted the milk leaning a little. “You cut me, there’ll be a mess, and you’ll be history when bitch gets pissed and chucks down the disposal to make you behave.” Continue reading →

With E.C. Nal

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 6 (November 1988)

Hello. Now that we’ve been formally introduced, may I begin? Thank you. You see, there’s somethin’ I’ve gotta say. It’s just a thing that needs to be said openly, and I’m willing. Actually, it’s not just one thing, it’s a collection. They’ve been building up in my mind for quite some time now. Taste a few of them here. If you don’t agree, keep shut up. If you do agree, write and let us know.

Bush is going all the way, so don’t even worry about it any more. Don’t you hate it when you start picking apart your cuticles in class and they start to bleed? Then, wouldn’t you know it, no one has any nail clippers handy. Hanes underwear tends to rip right around the seam area. If you hold a lighter under plastic too long, it’ll melt. My brain is melting, but that doesn’t mean that I’m plastic, does it? Continue reading →

By Scott “Duke” Berkey

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 8 (November 1988)

He sat quietly before the crackling, soft warmth of the open fireplace, gently removing boogers from the warm moist interior of his nose. He had been at work for only minutes, but over the years had worked on several other generations of young boogers. In times past the boogers had been passive, often willing prey before the unfeeling fingers that branched from the ends of his long arms. Indeed he had found little resistance to his pokings and proddings into the cozy confines of the mucous mainstream. This time, though, many boogers were resistant to removal, remembering the most recent picking that had resulted in a nasty infection and little positive action. Still, the boogers had little choice in the matter. Continue reading →

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 8 (November 1988)

The long-awaited follow-up to the 8-times-platinum “Slippery When Wet” LP has finally arrived, and that it has. Named after their hometown/starting place, “New Jersey” has a homey, sentimental feel to it. The songwriting is typical Bon Jovi: main themes (strikingly similar to those used in “Slippery When Wet”) include the good old days, tough love and hot sex.

From the first seconds, you are won over by that familiar Richie Sambora guitar. When you hear that too familiar JonBon rasp, you know you are home. In a sentence: it’s crisp, it remembers, it hopes, and, oh yeah, it rocks. Continue reading →

Volume 1, Issue 1, Page 8 (November 1988)

Sometimes I think I know who I am.
I’m God.
I’m Devil.
I’m Earth.
Love is bad and America teaches it.
The new way is Peace.
The old way is Freedom.
America is neither.
I Love America.